At 7 in the morning on April 6, 2012 my mom came into my room, woke me up, and made me go into the living room. I sat down on the couch and heard the worst sentence she's ever said. "Megan, Steeler died last night." I don't know if you've ever burst in to tears, but before I heard that last word I was bawling.
Steeler Daulton Seaburn is the boy in the picture at the top of this blog. I believe in your life, certain people come along and some are meant to stay there, while others have to leave you, but change your life for the time they are there. I never imagined Steeler being one that had to leave. In fact, I had planned my entire life around the fact that he was never going to leave me. We weren't dating, he was not my boyfriend. He was my best friend. I've never been closer to anyone than I was with Steeler. For around four years, when someone asked who my best friends were, Stee was at the top of the list. I remember the first time he ever talked to me, I was in 7th grade (he was in 8th) and he walked up and asked if I was Taylor Ball's little sister. After saying yes, he proceeded to tell me how cool Taylor was for the rest of lunch. That was who Steeler was though, he talked to anyone and everyone. He was obnoxious, loud, and full of life. Everyone knew Steeler, he was always doing something to get in trouble, but he was the furthest thing from a bad kid. He was wrestling team captain, had a job, had tons of friends, was always busy, loved his family (the Seaburn clan is something else), and was always there for you if you needed him. I know a lot of people who have said Steeler was their best friend, but that's who he was. He would be anyone's best friend. I was just lucky to be one of his best friends too.
I don't really know how to explain how close we were to anyone. I've been told that we're the only ones who will ever truly understand it. I'm not a weak person, ask anyone I know, but my weakest moment was seeing my best friend laying in a casket at the front of a church. I pray that no one has to go through that at my age. It's the most helpless feeling in the world, knowing you can't do anything to bring him back.
I know the last time I told him I loved him and when he told me last. I know that entire conversation we had outside of the middle school. I hate that I didn't get to spend time with him the last week he was here. I'm forever grateful for the Saturday I got with him the week before he died. We laid in my bed talking about who knows what. It was my grandma's birthday party at my house and he came over, probably for the good food, and to talk about his latest problems. We got on my ranger and had to go take his dad something in the feed plot, I got stuck and he made fun of my driving for the rest of the ride. He tried to get me to run over a turtle, so instead I made him spill his drink all over the place. I always laughed so hard when I was with him. He made my day.
Even though this has by far been the hardest year of my life, some good has come out of Steeler leaving me. I've gotten very close to a few people I was either drifting from, or had never really known before. I've learned who cares, it's amazing the number of people who will be there for you when you need them. I've gained a lot of respect for people I didn't imagine ever caring about me. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that self-respect and self-worth are the most important things you could ever have in life. Once you have those, you don't need that acceptance that you think you do. In the past, I wasn't very confident, I had confidence but not the kind I needed. I'll definitely hit on those topics later because I'm very passionate them.
I know someone knows what I'm going through, I just don't want to believe that quite yet. I maybe strong, but I miss him everyday. I miss him more than I ever imagined I would. I cry often and sometimes I get angry, jealous, and more often then not confused. I'm angry any one could hit someone and leave them there to die and be able to keep it inside this long. I'm jealous that other people got to spend his last night with him, while I was in bed asleep. I'm so confused as to why my best friend had to be taken away in such an unsightly manor. I'm strong though, and I know I'm going to get through the worst of this.
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