American Dream

If you were unaware before, I am in absolute love with Maroon 5's new album, Overexposed. I could listen to it on repeat for weeks. So, if you haven't already purchased the album, do so now. Like, right now. You won't regret it. Okay, moving on to my point now. On my way to Tulsa to catch a flight to Dallas, I was listening to the song Fortune Teller, from said album, and I actually started listening. One line is "And your American Dream, baby it just isn't me." Usually songs have lines that I love and love to quote, but this one hit me like a freight train. Basically the song is about a guy telling a girl he has no clue where their relationship is going and he knows they want different things in life, but he doesn't want to let her go (so I believe). Anyway, that one line made me connect to the song in a different way than I ever have with any other song. It fits me so well. The very thought of a little white fence, 2.5 kids, a two car garage, reasonable cars, and a husband who works the 9-5 while I sit at home or do the same, completely bores me. I can honestly say, I will do my hardest to never end up in that situation. That path is not for me, I need so much more in life than simple. I don't look down upon those who choose to carry on the typical "American Dream", in fact I wish I could settle for that. I have this extreme need to be known. Not in the "center of attention when I walk in the room" known, but the "Wow, that's Megan Ball, I want to be like her someday" known. The known where I can improve someone's life, and maybe inspire them to live up to their full potential. That would make me happy, but I want to be important. I don't want normal, I don't think I really ever have, and I'm not average. I work hard not to be average. I can't stand the idea of average.

I told my mom tonight, that I have no idea why people like me, they just do. Not that I don't want to be liked, I just don't see the appeal. She told me it was because I wasn't mean to people and I avoided drama. Which is completely true, I hate when people are mean to one another. I can't be rude, it's extremely out of character for me. I avoid drama, because conflict gives me anxiety attacks. If you've never had anxiety then you don't realize the feeling you get. It's terrible, like your insides are being flipped around and your lungs held in place. You can't move, you have to force yourself to breathe and not lose your composure. You want to run away. You can call me a chicken if you want to, but I'm protecting myself by not confronting you. I'd rather just walk away from the problem if I can.

So, maybe politics isn't for me. There's a lot of confrontation, but its formal. If I end up in it, at least I'll be one of the honest ones out there. I don't really know where I belong, I'm working on figuring it out though.

Now for the list of my favorite songs on Overexposed, in order from 1-12. 1 being my favorite.

1. Sad 
2. Fortune Teller
3. Lucky Strike
4. Beautiful Goodbye
5. The Man Who Never Lied
6. One More Night
7. Daylight
8. Love Some Body
9. Doin' Dirt
10. Payphone
11. Tickets
12. Lady Killer

Really after the top 4 I love all of them the same. Go listen to them though. Right now.