Not Quite 3 Years.

I wondered why I felt so out of sorts today, and then I noticed it was the 6th and in a month it will be 3 years since the day my life stopped having any real direction. You were my twin flame. You're still my twin flame, and it sucks not having you here. I've tried to explain our relationship to others, but it doesn't make any sense. I don't know how it worked or why it worked so well. I don't know how no matter what you did I was never mad. I don't know why you were the one person who could make me smile when I wanted to cry. I planned my life around you. Things that I didn't really want to do I did because of you. Nothing illegal or weird for those who might take that the wrong way, but you were the person I was willing to settle for. Now nothing really seems good enough or worth it. I never felt romantic feelings for you, but I wanted to spend my life with you. I wanted to share every experience life brought us. I wish we had been able to experience college together. I don't think you would recognize the person I am today, but I think you would like her. She's bolder, blunt, and confident. She's the person you knew that no one else did. Who I am now, is who I was when I was alone with you. So, I guess you would recognize her more than anyone else would. God, I miss you. I just want to have a stupid conversation with you. I want you to sing Hero to me terribly. I have songs to show you and stories to tell you. I have boys I need you to threaten/approve of. I need to talk to you when I don't make the right decision but need someone who holds no judgements. I need your shoulder to cry on, because other shoulders just don't feel the same. I want to watch you wrestle again. I want to spend another Saturday with you. I'm going to Vegas for my 21st birthday, because you didn't get to go for yours. I know you're probably jealous or mad, but I'm not sorry. I'll celebrate for the both of us. I didn't cry writing this one. I'll probably cry all day next month. I haven't cried in a while. I wonder if it would make me feel better, but I don't feel too bad at the moment. They say it gets better with time, and I guess it has. I just think I have distractions now, but there isn't an hour you don't cross my mind. You're such a big part of me, Steeler. I feel like no one even knows me unless they know about you. And truthfully, they never could really know me if they didn't know about you. I miss you, and I can't wait until I get to be with you again.