8 months.

8 months have now passed by since the last time I heard your voice, saw you smile, or got the pleasure of knowing you were just a phone call away. It's wrestling season now, and I guess I never realized how hard this was going to be. If there's one thing I truly completely love, it's wrestling. Now it's bittersweet. Listening to "I believe I can fly" before our first home dual last night, might have been the hardest thing I've had to do since your funeral. It was a solemn moment in the room, because every single person knew what the other was thinking about. I kept my composure, but barely. That's when it hit me that this season was going to be completely different. We had our first tournament last Saturday, and the bus ride was hard for me, because you always sat across or in front of me. It was ritual, and I never before had to think of where to sit. I was thankful to ride home with Zoe, because I didn't want to focus on you not being with me anymore. It's a different atmosphere this year. No one is wrestling just to win, they're wrestling to win and to make you proud. When anyone loses, or just wrestles bad, they aren't just upset, they're completely disappointed. All they want to do is give it their all for you. I realized that I was lucky, because through all this, I now have a bunch of brothers. Last year I had my wrestling family, but it wasn't nearly as big as it is this year. We don't even have to talk, a simple look can tell exactly how we feel. I don't think I could do it without them. I'm so proud of those boys. I don't think it's a secret that I have favorites, but I've always had favorites. From Joel and Taylor, to you and Jesse, to Connar and Thomas. You'll always be my favorite. Second to Taylor of course.

My birthday is Wednesday, and you won't be here to forget it, or get me all the candy I don't like so I just give it you instead. That sucks. Like really really bad. But I think I'll survive. You know, Steeler, I'm so glad I'm almost done with this year. I don't know if I can really call it the worst year of my life or not. I lost my best friend, and that hurts more than I could ever put into words. However, so many opportunities have given me hope for what's to come. I've met heroes, and I've gained friendships that would have never happened before your death. I guess I had to trade you for everything that I have now. I still wish that trade never happened. When I lost you, I lost a little bit of myself, but I think I'm finding it now. It's never going to be completely fixed, but I think I can glue it together well enough. I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with you. I'm even more thankful that eventually, I'll get to see you again. Until then, please keep an eye on your brothers. They need a little helping hand more than people think. Let God know we need his grace to keep us healthy and together. And most importantly, remember that I love you, those boys love you, and every single one of us misses you more than you'll ever know.