7 months.

7 months. I don't care how many days or weeks any more. Knowing those hurts a little bit more than I care to feel.

Sometimes I let myself feel the fact that you're not ever coming home. I can't stand that feeling. I just push that thought far away from my mind. It's strange, what brings it up. Random songs, random sights, just random everything. This past weekend, I went to Washington D.C. with your momma. I can't imagine how hard it was for her to retrace the path she last walked with you. I didn't push her, and I didn't ask her to do anything I didn't need to do. I had an amazing time. We went for the All-Star Classic, which I'm sure made you mad because you never got to go. Let me tell you, it was the coolest thing I've ever done. As we were waiting for the duals to start, we stood outside so your mom could smoke. All of a sudden my necklace fell off and hit the ground. I had a mini heart attack and immediately got mad at you. We were having fun, and you just had to remind us you weren't there. I thought I'd lost the dog tag I'd been wearing since your funeral. That thing is like a security blanket for me. I looked all around the ground, then decided to unzip my purse and look in it. Wouldn't you know it was at the bottom. I just shook my head and laughed. I said a quick thank you to God and yourself, although I still didn't find your jokes funny. Unfortunately, David Taylor didn't beat Kyle Dake, and I only got Kyle's autograph because David never showed up. Sorry about that. I had to thank you again though, because as we were walking out of the duals we caught Cael Sanderson. You would've laughed your butt off at my star-struck appearance. Your mom explained what happened to you and that she wanted David to sign the pictures of you two. Cael said he would take them and send them back to us. Then he asked my name, and when I told him he said he knew me and that it was nice to meet me. That has to be the shining moment of my life and even more proof of how roller coaster-ish this year has been for me. I had to thank you for that, because somehow, I knew you were the reason he was running late for the PSU van. I'll never ever forget that moment, and the feeling it gave me. For the first time in over 6 months, I was truly overjoyed. It quickly slipped away, but while it was there, I felt invincible.

Tomorrow I'm going to Colorado, and for the first time Thursday, I'll be skiing. Your mom let me borrow her ski gear, for which I'm very grateful. It's just a little hard, because I always imagined my first time on the slopes would be with you by my side, impatiently trying to teach me how to ski or snowboard. It's going to be very strange to be out there without you, but that's becoming a regular feeling for myself. This hasn't gotten any easy. In fact, it's probably gotten a little harder because it feels more real everyday. I miss you so much I can't even fathom a way to explain it. Our texting conversations don't even make sense because we always called each other when they got too complicated. I guess I can be reassured that I'll never forget any of our memories, because something entertaining always happened.

It's election day, but I can't vote. I wish I could. I know you'd be voting and voicing your very loud opinion, but I have no problem with that. I miss your loud mouth and stupid comments and constant obscene gestures. I miss being around you. Even with all your faults, you were one of my favorite people in this world, and I just want you back. That's the kind of funny thing about this. You've practically become a saint. Brett wrote a letter to send out to businesses for the scholarship, and in it he was describing you. I just looked at your mom and started laughing because I had no idea who the Steeler he was describing was. I guess that's what happens when you die. Everyone just forgets or ignores the bad parts and focuses in on the good parts, expanding on them to a point where the bad just disappear. I like focusing on the good, but the bad parts are what stick in my memory the most. The trouble-making, the rude names, the visits to the principal's office and days of ISS, all of those are what really made you the boy I loved being around. Those are what made you fun, and who you were. Those "bad" traits were what made you Steeler. I loved those bad parts; I was extremely proud of the good parts, and I made sure you knew both of those. I'll just restate them now and forever more.

That's all for now. I love you, and I miss you. See you soon.
Your best friend,
Megan.