This past month has been a weird one for me. I realized I didn't know the last time I was really happy. I forgot what that felt like. I've been so unbelievably busy. I'm either at school, at work, at a game, or at some meeting. As much as that sometimes sucks, I'm so thankful not to have down time. I barely blog anymore because I write so much for school. I often think of what it'd be like right now with you away in college. I know I'd be trying to figure out how to come to as many of your wrestling duals as possible while not missing any of the ones here. Then I'd be helping you with math or english, and I know I'd be going up to see you whenever I could.
I miss your over exaggeration of absolutely everything. I remember that night after a group of us went to Nakatos, and we were both driving home down glenstone. We got stopped at a light beside each other and you rolled down your windows, blaring Hero by Enrique and singing at the top of your lungs to everyone in my car. I was the only one who didn't crack up, I just shook my head. That memory makes me smile now. Or when you got arrested for "attempting to resist arrest" because you thought you hit something and messed up your car when getting pulled over, so you just jumped out and ran to the other side of the car. Then I told your mom, and you got mad, but it was so funny you couldn't stay mad for more than like 4 seconds.
I miss the way you told stories and had to act them out. I remember one time we were watching Phantom of the Opera and we made Jesse watch it with us and we all got into a huge argument wether Gerald Butler was the Phantom or not. I think Jesse was right and we were wrong, but it only made us love that movie anymore. You're mom gave me a canvas with the Phantom logo on it. It's hanging up in my room. It took me a while to listen to that soundtrack again, but now it just makes me smile. Like this year for your birthday I burned a copy and gave it to you, and you didn't want any of your friends to see otherwise they'd make fun of you, so you just put it in your moms car and made her listen to it every time you rode together. The funny thing is, I don't think anyone would've laughed at you. In fact, they probably would've started listening to the songs too.
I find it unsettling that I haven't gone one year in high school without someone dying. Every year we've lost someone, and that just can't be healthy. I've become sort of numb to death. I just figured it happens to everyone, some just have it happen sooner than they should've. It's sad. I'm so over death, and funerals, and having to lose someone. It's the worst thing in the world, losing someone.
I miss your company, just the ease of everything. I miss the rapping and singing until we were out of breath. I miss how you could make anything funny. I kept myself busy today, but I made time to bring you a pink rose. I was going to give you a red one with a black ribbon like in Phantom of the Opera but I figured that'd be an awkward request so I just stuck to a pink one. I'm going with your mom and Kiiler to D.C. next month for the All-Star Classic, I wish you were going with us. My heart hurts, but it's an ache I've came to live with.
There's so much I just want to ask you or tell you and I can't. I do love you though, and I miss you more than ever.
Your best friend,
Megan
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