Usually, I'm a very private person. I don't like to share things that are close to my heart, simply because I'm extremely jealous. I'm learning that privacy is wonderful, but to really move forward in life you need to share and connect with other people. There are parts of my stories I just can't share, but I will try my absolute hardest to share it.
Before Steeler died, I had planned out our life. He knew the plan and just let me do my thing. The chances of any of it actually happening were pretty slim, however I'm a planner. I have to know what I'm doing, where I'm going, and what's in store for me before I decide to do something. During one of our late conversations, I had told him that after I graduated, and he had a year to wrestle in a juco, we would go to Penn State (his favorite college). There I would help him study, we would be a part of the wrestling program like we were in high school. I would become a large animal vet and he would be a conservation agent. We would either find spouses there, or settle for each other and move home. Simple life, simple dream, easily accomplished.
So, you can imagine my despair when that entire plan crashed around me on April 6. My whole life was centered on the fact that Steeler wasn't ever going to leave. I don't really know when it happened, what made me realize that I would be okay. Maybe it was everyone telling me I had to now. I had to graduate. I had to go to college. I had to be successful. Like I've said before, I'm strong. I'm also harsh, I don't try to censor what I say when I'm comfortable around you. I don't sugar coat things. I'm all for support, I just don't want it to take an hour for you to say what could've been done in 5 minutes. People say I'm "real" whatever that means.
Back to my path, it's changed a lot. I would still love to go to Penn State, it's an amazing school with amazing opportunities. However, I've also included Oklahoma State and Yale University (gotta dream big right?) into my options. I've known for a long time I needed to get away for college, I can't grow here. Now, I don't want to be a vet (what was I thinking? sticking your hand up a cows butt, no thank you). I want to be a politician or a highly noted CEO. I'm going to study economics and political science. I always get the strangest looks when I tell people my change. Like, "that's quite a jump" or "what made you change your mind". Well, my best friend died and my world kinda flipped up side down. This is what I want, I'm passionate about business and I want to lead. I want to be known and to be a role model for people across the world. "Look at that girl from small town Missouri, she's the female Donald Trump." Hopefully, I'll be able to thank Steeler one day, for making me realize my true potential.
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