5 months. 20 weeks. 155 days.
They say time heals all pain. Well, I don't know about that, but I'd say staying busy sure helps. The last 4 months were a living hell. This past month wasn't much better, except for the fact that I now have 10x the amount of information on my mind. I barely have time to blog, let alone get all my other tasks done. I thank Mrs. Hainline for making us free-write everyday, it's nice to have time to write down what's on my mind. School keeps me pretty busy, I have something to do after school everyday. With saying that, every other thought is focused on you.
There's a group going to Jamaica for spring break. The hardest part is that I know you'd be going with me. I've ran out of tears, or maybe it's impossible to get this out of me. I don't ever want you to leave me, not any more than you have already. It's so hard to believe that 5 months and 1 day ago everything was perfect. I was on a field trip having the time of my life. I was mad I wasn't going to Brute with you, but I knew I'd get updates on how out of shape you were and how every one was doing. I knew I was going to get pictures of your new shoes or some ridiculous hat you found. Instead, my world stopped. I feel like the rest of the world should have stopped too.
I'm on the marketing team for your scholarship fund. I love hearing stories about you and doing something that's focused completely on me. Brett's on it with me, I'm glad I get to be with your other best friend. If Dylan was on it, the trio would be complete. You should be proud of Dylan, going to college, playing soccer, wearing your number. I went and watched him play, he did awesome.
I no longer have those moments where I forget your gone. I wish I still had those. I wish I still had you. I think we all wish we still had you. Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes and just be able to open them and see you. I want to talk to you so bad. I want to know why you left me without saying goodbye. If I could rewind time, I would go back to the Saturday before you died. I would relive that day over and over again.
You'd laugh at how much I love Abraham Lincoln right now. Then you'd tell me some random civil war facts that I didn't care anything about. I wish I could dream about you more. I've only had two, but I know why I only get two. They hurt so much when I wake up. I'm glad there's videos of you. I miss your voice. I miss our random hour long phone calls. I miss everything about you. I'm waiting on it to be better. I'm waiting on the hurt to go away. I don't know when that'll happen, if it'll ever happen. I just need you to know, that I love you so much and I miss you even more than that.
I can't wait to see you again, and I'm thankful for every minute I spent with you.
Your best friend,
Megan
"They've promised that dreams come true, but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams too." - Oscar Wilde
