Learning Wisdom

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. Like every other birthday in our family, my grandparents came over to eat dinner and just have a good ole get together. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin, I found myself between my two living grandpas. One is a democrat, the other a republican. Most kids my age would have turned and ran when stuck in that position, I however, love it. I love hearing both sides of a debate, especially when it comes from someone who has actually lived a full life and have reason and experience to back them up. They talked about the problem in our schools, how education has changed, how disciplinary actions have weakened and troublesome teens have strengthened, how advanced some students seem to be, the difference in religion, why is everything so political, and then exchanged a few jokes.

I took it in, put in about 5 sentences, but mainly listened. I think that's the most important part, I listened. I agreed with one grandpa on certain topics, and the other when it came to totally different things. At some points, I didn't choose a side. I agreed with them both on multiple occasions.

During one part of the conversation, we started talking about the Bible. One grandpa told a story: Back in 1805, a group of missionaries were sent into the wild west to bring the Lord to the red man. When they met with the chief he looked at them and asked, "Brothers, if you all read a book that says there is but one high spirit, why do you all say the book says something different?". Now I'm not positive that is the exact quote, but its the point of the question.

So many people use the Bible as a reference to the reason of their religion. I don't. I use the label "Christian" because I've been saved by Jesus Christ. I call myself a Christian, because I want to be the example people think of when they think "Christian". I don't quote scripture that much, because if someone hates being preached to, the last thing they want to hear is another quote from something they don't even believe in. When they ask me why I believe in God, I tell them because it's easy. I don't need scientific evidence, I don't need reasoning and explanation. I don't question him, I just know he's there. Maybe they've never had a moment where it all just clicks, but I pray they get to have one. I don't think there's one religion that's right. I highly doubt God discriminates that much. I think if something makes sense to you, if you're a good person, if you love God and try to share him with others, you'll get into Heaven. I believe the idea of a simple explanation is to hard for some to comprehend. They think you must be simple minded, you don't, just stop thinking so hard.

I absolutely hate talking about religion and pushing it on people, you believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe. If for some reason you have a question, I'll answer it. If you want to be like me, I'll help you. It's pretty simple, I think, to get into Heaven. Believe in Jesus, believe that he saved you, believe that God really does love you and wants the best for you, be a good person, help others whenever you have the chance, take time to show gratitude, be the best person you can be, accept everyone, no matter their differences, and always be grateful for what you are blessed to receive.

This is my last blog about religion, at least for now. The main point was the amazing things you can realized and learn when you listen to someone so much older and wiser than yourself. Those are the lessons you really need to learn in life. My Grandpa told me he learned something new everyday, and he was never afraid or too old to learn something new.

4 months.

4 months. 16 weeks. 122 days.

I could say I'm doing better, but I'm not. I miss you more every day, and time is not helping. August is a hard month. You should be at trap nationals, shooting right beside me. I should be taking you to college, helping you buy books and setting up your schedule. We should be eating at Nakatos every weekend, because you'll miss it when your gone. We should be planning what wrestling meets and tournaments I can come to. We should be planning for our skiing trip and spring break. We should be sitting in your basement, and I should be telling you what to do on whatever video game your playing. We should be watching every season of The Walking Dead and singing along to Phantom of the Opera. We should be crying because it's going to suck living hours apart. Instead, I'm constantly reminded that I'll never get to do those things. I'm stuck in a place where I have to look at reminders of you. I love thinking about you, and it's probably a good thing I do because you're permanently on my mind. I hate being reminded that I don't have you anymore. I hate that I feel jealous of people pretending they knew you, when I know they really didn't. I hate that you never knew how many people truly loved you. I hate that we always laid on my bed and talked about not having any friends, when so many were there for you. Who would've known that you really had thousands of friends. I feel bad for anyone who tries to get close to me right now, every one gets compared to you. That's a lot to live up to. There was nothing you could do, to make me give up on you.

It's amazing, the things I would do for one more day with you. I'm so burnt out right now. I'm tired. I don't want to go back to school, even though I know I have to. I don't want to try. I wish I did. I wish I had a back up plan. I wish I had some kind of plan. I'm so ready to get away from this place. I don't mean Willard, I mean this place I'm in, in life. I don't know how to do that. I don't know that I can get away. I'm basically stuck. I'm not able to move on. I don't think I'm ever going to fully move on. I've gotten better at laughing and allowing myself to have fun. But there's just those moments, where all I want to do is go back to when I had you. I knew everything about you, that's why I know when someone is lying about really knowing you as a best friend would. I know your favorite songs, your favorite movies, all the girls you had crushes on, your favorite drink, what sushi you would order, your real laugh and your fake laugh, your different smiles, everything. Maybe, that's what I really truly miss, knowing someone that well. Everything was so easy. I miss that easiness. I miss that sheer joy I felt when you came over to cheer me up when I was sick. I miss feeling calm when I knew you were okay. I miss you annoying me whenever you could. I miss feeling strong. I feel broken, even though I'm just a little cracked. I'm trying my hardest to glue myself back together. It's just so much harder than I would have imagined.

It's weird, when I thought about what I would do if one of my friends died, it was never you, and it was never this response. I imagined I'd lock myself up in my bed for a week, cry on everyone's shoulder, and be grateful for my own life. When you died, I had to go to your house and make sure. I had to see your mom. I had to comfort those boys, they needed me. I had to be a selfless. I cried on a few shoulders, but kept a smile as best as I could. I'm not that grateful, I'm grateful you don't have to deal with this. I'm thankful for the people who have stayed by my side. I'm thankful you brought me to Jean Ann, she's helped more than I can describe. It's a little weird, buying all pink, when you only wore it to make people uncomfortable. I remember when we went down to Neosho for Melynn, and convinced Zach and Trevor you were gay. I drove down there alone for the first time since then a couple weeks ago for her birthday. She misses you too.

I have no idea what this blog will look like in a 8 months. I'm not sure it will be much different. Sometimes I go sit by your grave after work. I don't talk, because I've never been one to talk to the ground, but I feel peaceful. I feel safe with you there. I still day dream about you showing up and telling me you had to fake your death for some unreal reason. I wish that could really happen. It's hard to see people moving on and getting over it, when I'm not even close to over it. I know I don't need you here, but it would sure make things easier.

I love you, and I miss you more than words alone can describe.

Your best friend,
Megan

Advice for High School

With the school year quickly approaching, I've decided that I should give out some valuable advice to the incoming freshman as well as the other underclassmen.

1. You're an underclassman if you're not a senior. Get that through your head now. You might be a junior, but the seniors are still on top. This year is about them. Respect that and you'll have an enjoyable time during your four years in that building. 
2. Get involved in something, asap. It will change and mold your entire experience. Take your freshman year as a chance to try everything. Eventually, you'll figure out where you belong. That group will be your saving grace. It's never too late to try something, so get out there and get involved.
3. Don't let one person ruin your day. Like it or not, there are going to be some people that you absolutely can not stand. Looking at those people will probably make you mad. So, don't look at them, delete them off Facebook, don't listen to what they say, and ignore them as much as possible. You'll be better off. 
4. Find that teacher that serves as your mom/dad/older sibling at school. I have more than one and they save me from having a terrible school day. I can run to them and they'll do whatever they can to help you. (These are usually club advisors or English teachers. Don't ask why english teachers, they just are more nurturing.)
5. Every year (except maybe senior) you'll have a teacher you can't stand. They'll leave a terrible taste in your mouth and ruin your day. Don't let them ruin it, just be polite and get your work done. Don't be afraid to brown nose this teacher. The easier you make their life, the easier they'll make your life.
6. Don't pick on anyone or let anyone pick on someone else. Bullying is a huge problem, not really at Willard, but still it's horrible and can really hurt someone. Don't be responsible for their pain. If you can help them out, they'll be forever grateful. 
7. Take this time seriously. It might not seem like it, but your freshman year determines a lot. Do your best work, be the best person you can, stay out of trouble, and look forward to the future. Create goals, keep them, and accomplish them. They'll remind you what you're here for.
8. Don't take everything too seriously. There's no need to act like an adult yet, because you aren't one. Have fun, go crazy at the assemblies, support your fellow students at athletic events, don't be afraid to look stupid, be outgoing, and be yourself. 
9. Don't try to be cool. Being cool isn't cool, being yourself is cool. You'll find a group of friends that you fit into and they'll love you for being you. You'll be respected for being you.
10. Try your hardest not to fall into peer pressure. Find some real friends that don't pressure you to do things you don't want to do. Peer pressure is bad even when it's not directly on you. If you can resist it, you'll find more respect from people than you imagined.